I recently purchased a prompt book. It wasn’t necessarily something that I was going to use for my blog because I later realized how personal it gets. I’m sure it would hurt some feelings as well. When I die, I hope that my family just burns it rather than read through it. Anyway, I haven’t filled it out completely, but I found that the childhood portion is what I chose to write about the most. Why? Because a lot of my happiest moments belong with my grandmom. She passed away when I was young but not before leaving such a huge mark on my life. When I tell you I think of her everyday, I really think of her every day. Before, it would bring about dreams where we would just sit and talk and I’d end up crying or just really depressed. Now that I have this prompt book, the memories are all flooding back to me and it’s what keeping me from going dark again. It’s like I chose to look at her passing differently after all of this time. I see her and talk to her; what more could I ask for.
I sound crazy right? Hey, it’s how I cope. Anyway, for this #mommymonday I decided to dedicate it to my first best friend, “O”.
Prompt: Name an object from your childhood that you still own. What is the story behind it and why have you kept it?
My grandmom was always a crafty woman. She could sew, crochet, and her cooking was off the charts. For my birthday one year (no I don’t remember which year) she had a quilt made for me. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was worried at first because I’d seen plenty of quilts that looked…different. But this one was amazing. It had different floral patterned dresses placed perfectly in the center of each square. Not one of them was out of line. Some had buttons, some had lace, others were just fine plain. On the back corner, she wrote a special birthday message to me and signed it in her finest handwriting.
That quilt covered my bed until “I was too old for it”. That started happening when I began to have friends over or go to their house and seeing their “mature” room decor. I traded the quilt for a bright peach comforter and stuffed the quilt in a box in the attic with everything else that I grew out of.
As I got older, I lost it in the divorce between my parents and moving away to college. When I came back, I had no idea who had it or if it was still around. At this point I was in my early 20’s so I’m thinking of passing it down to my daughter one day. It was important that I got it back. Plus it was mine. I felt like a piece of me was missing and that was it. The feeling of guilt and depression began to overwhelm me because I felt that I should’ve taken better care of it. I should’ve kept it closer to me. If I had moved, it should have came with me because at the end of the day, it was the last thing that I had left of her. Everything else I had outgrown. I was devestated when my dad moved. He had given me a box of my belongings that were left in the house that I had grew up in. The blanket wasn’t there (along with a million other things). At that point I knew that it was gone. Bring on the feeling of guilt and depression again.
Years later (literally last year), when I moved in with my brothers, my mom brought me a bag of blankets. I didn’t even want them and didn’t see the purpose of needing extra blankets until I saw through the clear plastic that my quilt was inside! If you can’t count on anyone, you can count on your mom to keep the most prized possessions. I can attest to that since I have a bunch of unnecessary items from when Baby T was really Baby T. A piece of my happiness has found its way back to me where it belongs.
Prompt: Name a song that brings back a strong memory for you, and write about that memory.
“Order My Steps in Your Word”
I’m sure most are surprised that I chose a Christian song, but when I was a kid that is all that played in my household. Now, there are plenty of strong memories for other songs, but that is for another day. No song brings back strong memories such as this one. Of course my grandmom is involved because I was clearly OBSESSED. We were either in California, Philly or South Carolina. Now that I think of it, it’s most likely Cali. Anyway, My Aunt De was there ushering for her church that she attended weekly. We decided to join her during our visit. They dressed me in this puffy floral patterned dress (what is with her and the floral patterns) paired with white ruffled socks, white buckled shoes, and white gloves to match. I feel like there was a white lace hat present, but I’m not 100% sure. I remember taking pictures on the hood of the Cadillac. It felt like it was 1,000 degrees outside so I complained through my smile about how hot the hood had been. As soon as they put the camera away I would hop down and someone would ask for “just one more”. “But, it’s hot!” I would say. Nevertheless I would make my way back up on the car and pose for yet another photo.
Inside the church, my aunt sung “Order My Steps” with her fellow ushers. They marched down the aisle one step at a time, one after another. They dressed in all white from head to toe; the women in blazers and skirts and the men in suits. My aunt wore a dramatic hat as always. She always stood out in the crowd with her hats. Every time that song plays, the exact scene plays out in my head.